Engagement Dilemmas Solved
Afraid you’ll hate the ring? Worried about not getting the ring size right, or if the father-in-law won’t give you permission? At Weddings Designed we don’t have all of the answers, but hopefully, we can give you some advice on engagement etiquette which might help you out.
Can a woman propose?
Ummm… of course! It’s the 21st century and the same-sex marriage law has been passed – women have been proposing for a long time. Whether you follow tradition and wait until the magic of 29th February, or take the plunge on any other day, visit our Leap Year Proposal pages for more advice on less “traditional” proposals.
Will they hate the engagement ring?
Without giving the game away, it’s hard to choose a ring that you can guarantee they’ll love. If it’s a family ring you’re giving (that means a ring that belonged to your relative) be prepared to offer to get the stones reset, or the ring redesigned slightly, and it will likely need to be resized!
If you have bought a new ring, wait until the excitement dies down after you ask the big question, then offer them the opportunity to change it – and make sure you won’t be insulted if they accept the offer to swap it!
Option three is, as my Granny would say, prevention’s better than a cure – so why not take someone they trust with you to choose the ring?
Should we pick the ring together?
You can propose with, or without a ring – if they want to marry you it won’t matter to them whether you have a ring to ‘seal the deal’ or not. We’ve heard stories of people proposing using big comedy rings, or a necklace, a pair of Jimmy Choos, and even a flower. You don’t have to use a ring to propose…remember, there are no rules! Do it your own way.
This writer’s best friend chose the ring with her husband-to-be, but he fibbed about when it’d be ready to collect and he still managed to surprise her with a proposal – so even if you pick it together, you can still be inventive with how and when you ask!
Help! I can't afford a ring!
Did you know that the idea that an engagement ring should cost as much as a month’s wages was first promoted by jewellers? It’s not a tradition, it’s a marketing ploy. Choose something they will love rather than something they will be scared to wear. If you really can’t afford any kind of ring – speak to your family, your great-gran’s ring could be hidden away waiting for a worthy person to wear it!
Or consider lab-created diamonds rather than mined diamonds – they are an ethical and affordable choice!
Should I ask permission from her father?
There’s no right answer. Some women will feel offended if you treat her like a commodity and ask if you can ‘take’ her…then again, you could offend her father by denying him the chance to offer his blessing. There’s always ways to cheat the system – if you get on well with her mum, why not sound her out on the subject? Or ask her father after the proposal, but before you both announce it. Of course there isn’t always a dad around to ask, but if her family’s important to her why not ask her brother, or mother, or even her grandfather?